The mom in the mirror

I’ve been out and about before and seen so many moms with that cross, irritated look on their faces. And I totally get it. I mean I understand how tiring it is to go grocery shopping with little people climbing out of trolleys, needing urgent loo breaks when your basket is almost full, begging for milkshakes and sweets in the checkout line. It’s like that for me everytime I go out.

But then I started to wonder what my children thought when they saw my mom face. Irritated that they wanted to stand on the front of the trolley, cross that they must unpack every item at the till, talking non-stop so that you can’t even think what to cook for supper tonight, let alone tomorrow night.

I started to realize that I think they see my irritated mom face a lot, maybe even all of the time. Because if I’m honest it’s not just when I go out to the shops that I put that cross mom face on. It’s when I trip over a toy I’ve been asking them to pick up, or when I see the glitter sprinkled over the carpet from yet another craft session, it’s when I see the eyes rolled at what’s for dinner, or when I don’t feel like reading an extra book that night because I’m tired.

If I’m honest I think I have that cross mom face on most of the time. It makes me sad to think this is what my children think of me. They don’t see the pride, the love, the silliness nearly enough, and definitely not as much as that cross mom face.

The other day Amy asked me why I was cross. I said “I’m not why?” She said “you’re frowning and you look cross.” I said “I’m not cross, I’m just tired.” But then I realized that’s the face she so often sees on her mom. That of a tired and often irritated person struggling to balance the demands of two very busy little people.

So often now when I feel my feelings bubble to the surface I try and imagine what my face looks like. The mom in the mirror. And I do my best to keep my mom face more happy and less frowny. It’s still a work in progress, but hopefully my children will notice less of their cross mom and more of their fun mom.

PS. Bonus points to anyone who sang my title to a famous Michael Jackson song.